Because I'm dumb....
Appearance
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x ] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color. (White hair. Or navy.)
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x ] I have/I've had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears. (I want some, though...)
[] I have freckles.
Family/Home Life
[] I've sworn at my parents.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.
School/Work
[x] I'm in school.
[x] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x ] I've missed a week or more of school. (Yay, mononucleosis. NOT!)
[ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.
[x] I've skipped school.
Embarrassment
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried. (All the time.)
[ ] I've glued my hand to something.
[x] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ] I've had my pants rip in public.
Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[x ] I've gotten stitches.
[x ] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[x] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[x] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[x] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.
Traveling
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day. (Sooo many family trips. And, of course, road tripping with Michelle.)
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[x] I've been to Mexico.
[x] I've been to Niagara Falls. (I don't remember, though, because I was 2 at the time...)
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans. (Someday...)
[ ] I've been to Europe. (One of my life dreams)
[ ] I've been to Africa.
Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city (Well, I guess it depends on what you mean by 'my city')
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[x] I've crashed a car. (Fender-bender)
[ ] I've been skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[x ] I've met someone in person from the internet.(Yeah, but she was a friend of a friend IRL, so it wasn't a big deal)
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ x] I've seen the Northern Lights. (But I was seven, and didn't think it was cool at the time)
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[x] I've played chicken. (Which version?)
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] I've eaten sushi.
[ ] I've been snowboarding.
Relationships
[ ] I'm single
[x] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[x ] I've had someone cheat on me.
[ x] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of commitment. (Terrified, actually)
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I've cheated in a relationship.
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ x] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship. (That 'something' being a sweatshirt that is sitting at the bottom of my dresser)
Sexuality
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ x] I love to flirt.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[ ] I've been hugged by a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.
Honesty/Crime
[ ] I am a terrible liar.
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't. (...Which is why the ice cream is gone...lol)
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[ ] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world. (Oooh, lookit me, I'm MYSTERIOUS!)
[ ] I've cheated while playing a game.
[ ] I've cheated on a test.
[x] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[ ] I've shoplifted.
Death and Suicide
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[x] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.
Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece. (You have GOT to be kidding me!)
[x] I own something from Hot Topic. (If it wasn't so expensive, I would get so much from there...)
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay. (Various computer games, a couple books)
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie. (Yeah, right. Me, preppie.)
Political/Social Attitudes
[x] In general, I don't like people.
[x] I'm a feminist. (Meaning, I think women should have equal chances. No more, no less.)
[ ] I'm very outgoing.
[x ] I listen to political music. (Only if Green Day counts)
[ ] I'm Democratic.
[x] I'm Republican.
[ ] I'm liberal.
[ ] don't like Bush because he is dumb.
[ ] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[] I am for Bush.
[x] I'm religious. (Kind of. It's complicated)
[x] I dress fairly modestly. (For the most part, but I like corsets and leather pants, too)
[ ] My attitude is, "If you've got it, flaunt it." (Ew, no. There's too many people flaunting what they don't have, or have too much of...)
Random
[/] I can sing well. (I can carry a tune. End of story)
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme. (Like most 'Christian' songs out there...)
[x] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower/bath.
[ ] I am a morning person. (Hell no.)
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone. (I don't even HAVE a cell phone)
[x] I'm a snob about grammar. (Not quite a snob, but...)
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[] I love being neat.
[ ] I've had Spam.
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[x] I bake well.
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[x] I would wear pajamas to school. (I have.)
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[x ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class. (Yeah...)
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish. (When I want to be....)
[ ] I love white chocolate. (It's not even chocolate!)
[x ] I bite my nails. (Sometimes)
[x] I play video games. (YES! )
[ ] I'm good at remembering faces.
[ ] I'm good at remembering names.
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[x] My answers are totally honest.
4.3.06
The sea is calm tonight/The tide is full, the moon lies fair
I managed to fix the effing toilet this time. Home remedies work, at least in my case--I added some dishwashing soap....it worked. Huzzah!
I bought leather pants today. I look good in them. *squee* I've wanted leather pants for awhile now, and these were on sale, and Bekah convinced me....so, I am now the owner of a pair of black leather pants. And a really cool poster by Nene Thomas. (Eight million props to anyone who knows who Nene Thomas is.) And nifty dice. I bought a set--this really ugly pearly-orange colour, tee-hee, as well as a few barrel dice, 2 random d4's, and 3 matching d6's. Now, if I could only find my dice bag.
I was contemplating doing this posting in relation to various songs, but (sadly) most of the songs I had in mind for various situations are not currently within my mind's grasp (read: forgot).
Isaac is a sweet, sweet guy. Despite the flying monkeys.
I've lost my best friend...the one thing that I can remember the song for....
Can you look me in the eye,
And tell me that you're happy now?
Could you tell it to my face?
Have I been erased?
Are you happy now?
Jenn, I hope you are happy. Best wishes.
I found out depressing information: the Taylor divorce rate is higher (significantly) than the national average. That's scary. REALLY scary. I wonder how many Taylor students know this. Or care.
Michelle is amazing; I'm so glad we actually got to be real friends, as opposed to casual acquaintances who end up lab partners in Chem for Living. I saw her steal the show in Taylor's most recent play, "Flowers for Algernon," when she walked on stage in a jellyfish dress. No, I'm not kidding, or exaggerating. It's hard to describe, but it's impossible to miss.
Among other random incidents that have occured since the last entry:
1. Have gotten 3 quasi-random West Coast boys to profess love for me
2. Saw 2 movies in the theatre (Hoodwinked and UltraViolet), which makes a total of 4 for the school year
3. Re-did some of the furniture in the room; sadly, I still don't have enough shelf space for my books, despite packing them as tightly as I possibly could
4. Tested out of Spanish. I'm testing for credit on the 14th, I hope I pass.
5. Found out even more people don't like me, although I'm also starting to understand why people dislike me so much
6. Found out I'm not as repulsive as I've always thought
7. Found out I'm not insane
8. Started going to counseling
9. Became the prime suspect in a failed assassination attempt on the King.
10. My little brother (James) is going blind. Not cool at all.
I have to go in for my next menopause shot in about 3 weeks. It hurts like hell, and I won't be able to walk after it. Grar, I hate shots.
Things have been, all things considered, better than they have in a long while. Counseling is really helping; my counselor is really good. I'm hoping that it will help me work out my scads of issues. Or, more realistically, start working on my scads of issues.
I'm spending the weekend in Muncie, with Isaac's family. Apparently, they will shower me with terrible (and possibly funny) stories of Isaac's childhood. And teenagehood. Etc.
Alright, it's late, and I have to get up early...grr...if I'm crabby for the next....long while, it's because I didn't get to sleep in on Saturday.
I bought leather pants today. I look good in them. *squee* I've wanted leather pants for awhile now, and these were on sale, and Bekah convinced me....so, I am now the owner of a pair of black leather pants. And a really cool poster by Nene Thomas. (Eight million props to anyone who knows who Nene Thomas is.) And nifty dice. I bought a set--this really ugly pearly-orange colour, tee-hee, as well as a few barrel dice, 2 random d4's, and 3 matching d6's. Now, if I could only find my dice bag.
I was contemplating doing this posting in relation to various songs, but (sadly) most of the songs I had in mind for various situations are not currently within my mind's grasp (read: forgot).
Isaac is a sweet, sweet guy. Despite the flying monkeys.
I've lost my best friend...the one thing that I can remember the song for....
Can you look me in the eye,
And tell me that you're happy now?
Could you tell it to my face?
Have I been erased?
Are you happy now?
Jenn, I hope you are happy. Best wishes.
I found out depressing information: the Taylor divorce rate is higher (significantly) than the national average. That's scary. REALLY scary. I wonder how many Taylor students know this. Or care.
Michelle is amazing; I'm so glad we actually got to be real friends, as opposed to casual acquaintances who end up lab partners in Chem for Living. I saw her steal the show in Taylor's most recent play, "Flowers for Algernon," when she walked on stage in a jellyfish dress. No, I'm not kidding, or exaggerating. It's hard to describe, but it's impossible to miss.
Among other random incidents that have occured since the last entry:
1. Have gotten 3 quasi-random West Coast boys to profess love for me
2. Saw 2 movies in the theatre (Hoodwinked and UltraViolet), which makes a total of 4 for the school year
3. Re-did some of the furniture in the room; sadly, I still don't have enough shelf space for my books, despite packing them as tightly as I possibly could
4. Tested out of Spanish. I'm testing for credit on the 14th, I hope I pass.
5. Found out even more people don't like me, although I'm also starting to understand why people dislike me so much
6. Found out I'm not as repulsive as I've always thought
7. Found out I'm not insane
8. Started going to counseling
9. Became the prime suspect in a failed assassination attempt on the King.
10. My little brother (James) is going blind. Not cool at all.
I have to go in for my next menopause shot in about 3 weeks. It hurts like hell, and I won't be able to walk after it. Grar, I hate shots.
Things have been, all things considered, better than they have in a long while. Counseling is really helping; my counselor is really good. I'm hoping that it will help me work out my scads of issues. Or, more realistically, start working on my scads of issues.
I'm spending the weekend in Muncie, with Isaac's family. Apparently, they will shower me with terrible (and possibly funny) stories of Isaac's childhood. And teenagehood. Etc.
Alright, it's late, and I have to get up early...grr...if I'm crabby for the next....long while, it's because I didn't get to sleep in on Saturday.
23.2.06
16.2.06
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray/Do not go gentle into that good night
It's really sad when:
~Using Ventrilo to talk to a couple of guys you technically don't know is the highlight of your day
~The first time you ever get flowers for Valentine's Day (and I mean EVER), they come from a girl down the hall who bought them for everybody
~You realise that some of your friends aren't actually friends
~That five years of healing were actually you getting better at ignoring the problem
~You keep trusting those who will only continue to hurt you
Things have been bad. Really bad, actually. Still are, but I can deal with it better, because I've finally pulled my head out of the sand and have decided to be pro-active, no matter how much it hurts. (I was going to say, 'Even if it kills me,' but then I realised that since it very well might, it was probably not a good choice of words)
For those wondering, I'm worse than I've ever been before. What I went through 5 years ago is a joke, compared to now...to be honest, even at this moment, the only thing staying my hand is the fear that, if I fail, I'll have to go back to a Pine-Rest-like place.
All in all, not a good reason.
And then, a couple days ago, I came to some rather upsetting conclusions, that, unfortunately, are correct; if I don't follow through with them, it will only make things worse. I'd apologise for the e-mail, Jenn, but I doubt you care, and I'm not sure I do, either, even though it nearly killed me.
Seeing the world through shattered lenses is interesting. You keep hoping that something better will come, something to glue the lenses back together; everything is tinted with hopeful light. Really, it's a shame that the glue never materialises, and the lenses are only broken into smaller bits. The hope keeps you in the same place, but in order to heal, the hope has to be kept grounded in reality.
~Using Ventrilo to talk to a couple of guys you technically don't know is the highlight of your day
~The first time you ever get flowers for Valentine's Day (and I mean EVER), they come from a girl down the hall who bought them for everybody
~You realise that some of your friends aren't actually friends
~That five years of healing were actually you getting better at ignoring the problem
~You keep trusting those who will only continue to hurt you
Things have been bad. Really bad, actually. Still are, but I can deal with it better, because I've finally pulled my head out of the sand and have decided to be pro-active, no matter how much it hurts. (I was going to say, 'Even if it kills me,' but then I realised that since it very well might, it was probably not a good choice of words)
For those wondering, I'm worse than I've ever been before. What I went through 5 years ago is a joke, compared to now...to be honest, even at this moment, the only thing staying my hand is the fear that, if I fail, I'll have to go back to a Pine-Rest-like place.
All in all, not a good reason.
And then, a couple days ago, I came to some rather upsetting conclusions, that, unfortunately, are correct; if I don't follow through with them, it will only make things worse. I'd apologise for the e-mail, Jenn, but I doubt you care, and I'm not sure I do, either, even though it nearly killed me.
Seeing the world through shattered lenses is interesting. You keep hoping that something better will come, something to glue the lenses back together; everything is tinted with hopeful light. Really, it's a shame that the glue never materialises, and the lenses are only broken into smaller bits. The hope keeps you in the same place, but in order to heal, the hope has to be kept grounded in reality.
29.1.06
My dreams, my works/Must wait till after hell
That about sums me up, right there. Hurray, hurray. For those of you going, 'oh geez, what now?!', I shall explain, a bit. I am single, once again. The end was quick and bitter, as the poet said...I can't say I didn't see it coming, although I will say I wish it hadn't come; at least, not come the way it did. Almost like something out of middle-school, without the screaming and yelling. Just anger and hurt. And sadness. Lots of sadness.
Let me tell you a secret, readers mine: My comments about never getting married are only somewhat true. For while I honestly do not believe that I will ever marry, it is not because I don't want to, for that is one of my strongest wishes; it is, instead, because things in my life seem to continually go to pot, so to speak. The one good relationship I had died in a car accident a year ago...So like I said, to pot.
I went out and used my gift card, the one my parents gave me for Christmas, for Barnes and Noble. I bought 2 Neil Gaiman books (Neverwhere and Smoke and Mirrors), and a nice little hardcover book of poetry called The Hell with Love. It made me happy, and the poems inside did too, so I bought it. Nothing quite like a collection of poems filled with bitterness, anger, and random swear words to brighten one's day.
Watched Serenity. It was good, but not what I was expecting from everyone's rave reviews. I definitely preferred the series to the movie, but I think that it's because there was more witty dialogue in the TV show; and they killed Wash, which was not cool. Not cool at all.
Another semester will be starting soon. I'm hoping that, with my fatigue being dealt with and a room to myself, this will be a better semester than the last one...Well, considering the last one still gives me nightmares (I had 3 in my first week in CR...I had another one 2 nights ago; all of them made me wake up in a cold sweat, nearly hysterical with panic and frustration), I certainly hope this one goes better. For those of you who pray, please pray that I will not be driven to the brink of sanity and caused to teeter precariously over the edge of it; and that I will be able to get decent sleep all semester long, instead of having to wait until the very last week to do something about it. Oh, and while I'm discussing things I hope for this semester, let's add me being able to stand up for myself and not be a doormat; to quit falling for guys who will only screw me over and leave me shattered by the wayside; and healing. Yeah, healing would be nice, especially since I'm so much worse than I let you believe....even during the moments in which I'm obviously aching and broken, you only see the surface...what you see then is my continual state of existence, only at those particular moments I'm so much worse that my safety net weakens and shows you the basic feelings that colour my perceptions.
I'm going to go read American Gods now. And then sleep, because sleep is good. Sleep is very, very good.
Let me tell you a secret, readers mine: My comments about never getting married are only somewhat true. For while I honestly do not believe that I will ever marry, it is not because I don't want to, for that is one of my strongest wishes; it is, instead, because things in my life seem to continually go to pot, so to speak. The one good relationship I had died in a car accident a year ago...So like I said, to pot.
I went out and used my gift card, the one my parents gave me for Christmas, for Barnes and Noble. I bought 2 Neil Gaiman books (Neverwhere and Smoke and Mirrors), and a nice little hardcover book of poetry called The Hell with Love. It made me happy, and the poems inside did too, so I bought it. Nothing quite like a collection of poems filled with bitterness, anger, and random swear words to brighten one's day.
Watched Serenity. It was good, but not what I was expecting from everyone's rave reviews. I definitely preferred the series to the movie, but I think that it's because there was more witty dialogue in the TV show; and they killed Wash, which was not cool. Not cool at all.
Another semester will be starting soon. I'm hoping that, with my fatigue being dealt with and a room to myself, this will be a better semester than the last one...Well, considering the last one still gives me nightmares (I had 3 in my first week in CR...I had another one 2 nights ago; all of them made me wake up in a cold sweat, nearly hysterical with panic and frustration), I certainly hope this one goes better. For those of you who pray, please pray that I will not be driven to the brink of sanity and caused to teeter precariously over the edge of it; and that I will be able to get decent sleep all semester long, instead of having to wait until the very last week to do something about it. Oh, and while I'm discussing things I hope for this semester, let's add me being able to stand up for myself and not be a doormat; to quit falling for guys who will only screw me over and leave me shattered by the wayside; and healing. Yeah, healing would be nice, especially since I'm so much worse than I let you believe....even during the moments in which I'm obviously aching and broken, you only see the surface...what you see then is my continual state of existence, only at those particular moments I'm so much worse that my safety net weakens and shows you the basic feelings that colour my perceptions.
I'm going to go read American Gods now. And then sleep, because sleep is good. Sleep is very, very good.
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