Totally unoriginal....



Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray/Do not go gentle into that good night

It's really sad when:

~Using Ventrilo to talk to a couple of guys you technically don't know is the highlight of your day
~The first time you ever get flowers for Valentine's Day (and I mean EVER), they come from a girl down the hall who bought them for everybody
~You realise that some of your friends aren't actually friends
~That five years of healing were actually you getting better at ignoring the problem
~You keep trusting those who will only continue to hurt you

Things have been bad. Really bad, actually. Still are, but I can deal with it better, because I've finally pulled my head out of the sand and have decided to be pro-active, no matter how much it hurts. (I was going to say, 'Even if it kills me,' but then I realised that since it very well might, it was probably not a good choice of words)

For those wondering, I'm worse than I've ever been before. What I went through 5 years ago is a joke, compared to now...to be honest, even at this moment, the only thing staying my hand is the fear that, if I fail, I'll have to go back to a Pine-Rest-like place.

All in all, not a good reason.

And then, a couple days ago, I came to some rather upsetting conclusions, that, unfortunately, are correct; if I don't follow through with them, it will only make things worse. I'd apologise for the e-mail, Jenn, but I doubt you care, and I'm not sure I do, either, even though it nearly killed me.

Seeing the world through shattered lenses is interesting. You keep hoping that something better will come, something to glue the lenses back together; everything is tinted with hopeful light. Really, it's a shame that the glue never materialises, and the lenses are only broken into smaller bits. The hope keeps you in the same place, but in order to heal, the hope has to be kept grounded in reality.