Some day I hope to love you again/But not till after the party's over

Long-ish post for ya'll. But first, an item of little substance and less merit.

in 2005
[ January ]
1. Did you have a new year's resolution this year? Yes. (oh, you want to know what it was?) To not kill anyone.
2. Who kissed you at midnight? Nobody, I was asleep at home. Yeah, I'm pathetic like that.
3. Does it snow where you live? Snow, where I go for Christmas? Yeah, right. It snows in Indy.
4. Do you like hot chocolate? Yes.
5. Have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop? The full extent of my time in New York City has been in it airports.

[ February ]
1. Who was your valentine in 2005? That's an awkward question.
2. What did your valentine get you? Let's not discuss this.
3. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class? Yes, actually.

[ March ]
1. Are you Irish? Somewhat.
2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day? Not intentionally.
3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005? Nothing. Although this year it would be fun to get drunk.

[ April ]
1. Do you like the rain? If you can call what happens in Indiana "rain".
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year? No, but I got revenge.
3. Do you get tons of candy on easter? Sadly, no.

[ May ]
1. What's your favorite kind of flower? Roses.
2. Do you like the spring? Not really.
3. Finish the phrase: April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Allergies.
4. What would you think of as a spring color? Brown--mud puddles.

[ June ]
1. What year did you graduate from school? Technically I never graduated.
2. Did you go on any vacations last June? No.

[ July ]
1. What did you do on the 4th of July? Got stood up by my bartender.
2. Did you go on any vacations during this month? No.

[ August ]
1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer? Quit my job.
2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05? Quitting my job.
3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer? No.
4. Do you go to the beach a lot? Yeah, right. Me, outdoors...

[ September ]
1. Did you attend school/college in '05? Yes.
2. Who is/was your favorite teacher? Mook, probably. He's fun.
3. Do you like fall better than summer? Yes. Everything is dying.

[ October ]
1. What was your favorite halloween costume ever? Coatrack.
2. What's your favorite candy? Hard question....Starburst, Almond Joy, Twizzlers, Twix, Pirulin, Cherry Gummies, Ring Pops
3. What did you dress up like this year? Me on 'roids.

[ November ]
1. Whose house do you usually go to for thanksgiving? I prefer to stay home and avoid people.
2. Do you love stuffing? No. It's nasty.
3. What are you thankful for? Surviving.

[ December ]
1. Do you celebrate Christmas? I hate commericalism, and I'm starting to hate Christians...
2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe? No, but I know a certain someone who's gonna have to fix that.
3. What do you want this year for Christmas? Health, wealth, and a single.
4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas? Getting to stay home instead of being forced to join in the so-called festivities.
5. Do you like cold weather? Yes.

Alright, so that's done. A cheerful close to a cheerful year.

Operation follow-up:

Got out of the hospital Friday afternoon/evening. I was in surgery for 2+ hours instead of 30 minutes, but that was due to....complications. Apparently I not only have PCOS, I also have endometriosis, which was spreading and untreatable except by surgery (And I may now be infertile, too). Icky-poo, indeed. And there was an earthquake during the thing, which I think I remember, but I'm not altogether sure. Oh, and I can't drink anything carbonated until next Tuesday because the doctors say it will make me "gassy." And no, I'm not joking. But at this point, I don't care much; the pain is bad to the point of being unable to cough, sneeze, laugh, or sit up on my own. Stupid abdomen. I actually started sobbing at dinner because my dad made a joke and laughing hurt terribly. And the doctors are probably rejoicing right now, because this evening I had my first post-op BM.

Oh, and I've lost another 5 pounds. I'm down to 140. This is becoming a bit ridiculous. My pants are all way too big now; never mind wearing a 10, I could probably fit into an 8 when the post-op swelling goes down.

I won't be back for J-Term, but I will be back by the end of it--does that make sense? I'm going to have my mom discuss things with the housing dept. to see if I can get settled back in before the dorms officially open for second semester. And Whitney, I will be doing my utmost to ensure a fun time over J-Term break.

On a sad note, my mother has forbidden me to be rude to people I don't like, darn it.

And on that note, I shall retire to a recumbent or semi-recumbent position as it is more comfortable for me; and I may fall asleep...


Swear to make them cut me open so that I won't be buried alive

Surgery tomorrow morning at 7am. Icky-poo.

Wish me luck, people.


In one long yellow string I wound/Three times her little throat around/And strangled her...

I don't think any one of you really understands just how much I hate people. I say "I hate people," and everyone just smiles and nods, as though they understand. I doubt most of them do. This world would be a far better place without most of the people I know. I'd fix that myself, but I'd rather not spend the rest of my life in prison for mass homicide--even though, in my mind, it would be for the good of the world.

Consider this your wake-up call.


Eyes I dare not meet in dreams/In death's dream kingdom

Had a terrible nightmare last night. It was absolutely awful. As in, wake-up-shaking-and-in-a-cold-sweat awful. I finally fell into a decent sleep around 9am. Grr.

I'm hoping The Sale will still be in effect when I get back to the States...*crosses fingers* I need what they have, but can't afford it otherwise. Stupid scheduling issues.

A penguin was kidnapped last Saturday from a zoo on the Isle of Wight. Not just any regular penguin, though--the bird is only 3 months old; zookeepers and vets think the poor thing is dead from malnutrition by now. His (the penguin is male) parents are described as "devastated," and I thought that was bull, but then I read about how penguin parents care for their young more intensely than most animals...So. Somebody called the zoo on Thursday night, saying they left the penguin in a plastic bag in Portsmouth, but that is the last I know. If anybody has heard updates, I'd love to know. It's kinda sad, yeah, but it's also really dumb. I mean, who on earth steals a baby penguin?

I get to hang out with Steve on Monday! Yay! Steve has been one of the best friends I've ever had. He literally kept me too distracted to...do bad things to me. He was one of my only friends, and I love him dearly. He's been a rock. A crazy, psycho, genius rock.

I have thus far been polite to everybody I don't like here. If certain people call me, I won't be. But so far, so good. Be happy, everybody. I'm being good.

And I'm too sick to go drinking with my dad. Grr.

I go in Tuesday for more ultrasounds. I just want the whole problem to go away, now. Right now. But, it won't. I'm surprised it hasn't gotten more complicated yet; maybe life decided to give me a break for once.

Yeah, right.

Jon. Call me. Or at least stay awake when you're IM'ing me. I'm not mad. Just...yeah. You know what I mean.


The rain set early in to-night/The sullen wind was soon awake

Hey, all. Turns out the major bleeding thingy is more serious than I thought. I have joined the ranks of women with PCOS, huzzah. Oh, yeah, and one of my ovaries keeps misfiring, so now it's huge....instead of being the size of a small brussels sprout, it's the size of a lime.

Anybody know how far an ovary can stretch before it ruptures/tears/shreds/pops/explodes?

I think the worst part, is that I can feel it.


My life closed twice before its close/It yet remains to see

Feeling better. Not much, but a little. Thank you, Mom, Jon, Whitney, and Bekah.

I'm hoping I can make it through the semester...I have 4 days left. *crosses fingers* Wish me luck, peeps.

Oh, I finished the Christmas shopping! I've never had trouble shopping for my dad, oddly enough. It's my brothers that cause me problems....sadly, neither plays golf or wears ties, and James hates shoes and Sam lives in Texas (meaning socks are out of the question, too....grr.) And I splurged and bought myself some velour pajama pants.

I just asked Whitney, and she told me that yes, I am looking better than I was yesterday. Apparently, yesterday I looked like an old, chewed-up, mangled, much-used and -abused dog chew toy.
Today I just look tired.


Thy soul shall find itself alone/'Mid dark thoughts of the grey tomb-stone

This has been the week from b***** f****** h***. I want to....do something. Like maybe kill someone. Violently.

Or maybe cry. A lot. Preferably in the shower, and then slit....something of mine and watch what little life-force remains run down the shower drain.

Well, with my luck, the drain will clog or back up, and we'll end up with a nasty sewage backflow into the bathtub.


Ascending from the damp savannas/And quiring angels round him sing

Stole this....

Open iTunes, go to your library, and supply the following:
Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is!

How many songs: 1658 songs, 4.5 days 6.73 GB

Sort by song title:
First Song: 'Til I Get Over You--Michelle Branch
Last Song: Zoot Suit Riot--Brian Setzer Orchestra

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: When I Go Out--Five Iron Frenzy
Longest Song: Symphony Number Nine in D Minor--Beethoven

Sort by artist:
First Artist: 12 Stones
Last Artist: Wolfstone

Top Three Most Played Songs:
1. WinterSun--Bond
2. Kismet--Bond
3. The Last Saskatchewan Pirate--The Arrogant Worms

First song that comes up on shuffle:
Sleepy Maggie--New Scots

Search for...
"sex": 2 songs
"death": 8 songs
"love": 88 songs
"drugs": 0 songs
"life": 69 songs