Once I had a halo/But it caught on fire

So the meeting went well, my dad looked him squarely in the eye and smiled and told him he was welcome back any time, which was surprising because my parents (especially my dad) have never been especially fond of anyone I've brought home. It was very nice, and completely uneventful.
N. is talking to me again, though I get the feeling he's doing so more out of a sense of obligation than anything else. Oh, well. People do what they feel they must, right? Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be friends again, I'm just still a bit bitter about the whole thing. At least I'm not planning any sort of nasty vengeance, which did, admittedly, cross my mind.
Oh! Bit of a new development in my apparently not-quite-dead Soap Opera. J. (Andrew's brother, as you may recall--but then, you may not because things did get rather convoluted there for awhile) is currently blaming me for "ruining his chances" with other women at work. Well, honey, I hate to tell you this, but there are very few single women there of eligible age (one, actually), and she turned him down. For which, like I said, he blames me. She was off work during the whole drama, and when she came back I didn't tell her anything about what was going on, because she had been gone because her dad had died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. Which is when J. got the bright idea to chase after her. What respect I had for him is gone, because what kind of self-respecting, decent human being would actively pursue someone whose father just died?! And before you ask, no, he wasn't after her before he died. Only after. She turned him down, without any influence from me--I didn't learn about it until later; much later. So apparently not only am I destroying Rehab Guy's life by refusing to be his freaking saviour, I'm ruining J's life too. At this rate, I'll achieve my goal of becoming Bitch Queen of the Universe in no time flat.
On the bright side of things (wow, it took me a good four tries to spell "bright" correctly) I am no longer vomiting all over the place. My doctor checked me over, said I'm perfectly healthy except for that and the weigh loss, and ordered a whole bunch of blood tests and a prescription to kill the nausea, and let me tell you, it works like a dream.
Also I finished The Book of Air and Shadows, and while I saw the ending coming, it was still thoroughly enjoyable and I would highly recommend it to anyone with a large vocabulary or the willingness to read with a dictionary next to you for emergencies. (In case you're wondering, yes, I did have to puzzle out a couple of the words, which thrilled me to the core) Now I'm moving on to The Rose Labyrinth, which I may or may not have told you about but I bought it purely because it comes in a box. Which is cool.
And now I'm off to wait for Michelle to call so I can tell her all about my convoluted life than you are privy to unless you ask directly, and even then unless you're one of four very special people you won't hear about it, unless I'm lying. Which I will, in fact, let you know right up front, just to save time and worry.


You refuse to see/I'm in agony

So the Invega (the latest med, the one with the nasty side effect) is out of my system. How can I tell? Well, not only is the side effect in question almost gone, but I'm back to running out of energy really quickly, having trouble sleeping and sleeping all the time (yes, simultaneously. Go figure). And the best part? The absolute most wonderful thing?

I'm throwing up again.

Yep. I'm back to being randomly sick whenever my godforsaken stomach decides to act up, which in the past few days has been rather often. I'm thinking it's so bad right now out of spite, because the Invega is an antiemetic (stops nausea and vomiting for those who don't ask for an OED every Christmas) so strong it kills morning sickness. So needless to say while I was on it I was fine, never an ill-feeling moment.

On a completely different note, Andrew is coming over for dinner tonight. Yeah, Christmas dinner. *gulp* I'm nervous as all hell and from what I've gleaned from talking to him earlier, he's nervous too. I'd beat my head against my desk, but I'd probably be sick from the rapid movement. GRAWR. This sucks big time. The nausea, I mean, not Andrew coming over. I'm excited about that, though yes, I'm nervous too.

Christmas (so far, at least) wasn't bad emotionally this year. I think because the economy sucks so bad right now that retailers didn't push Christmas quite as hard as they did last year (or at least that's how it seems to me). I didn't hear much holiday music on the radio, and there weren't a whole lot of decorations up. All of that, I'm relatively sure, helped me cope this time round. Combined with the fact that I slept through yesterday---almost literally the whole day, I was up for maybe 3 hours--it seems that I successfully avoided Christmas this year, hurrah hurrah.

I'm still losing weight. I'm calling my doctor tomorrow morning about it, because it's really really starting to scare me a lot. And maybe I can get the nausea fixed at the same time. *crosses fingers* Light candles for me, please. Or pray, or dance, or whatever you do.

*Gulp* Andrew's here.


Can this be/What you really wanted, baby?

So the weekend was wonderful; L. and H. are fantastic, sweet people. We ended up staying an extra day because there were four-foot snowdrifts across the roads and Andrew drives a little car, a Grand Prix that has trouble with 4 inches of snow, let alone 4 feet. I did have a little bit of a bad moment, on Sunday, when I realised I'd be missing work and be stuck in a house with people for longer than I thought, and then it hit me all at once that I hadn't had more than about 3 minutes to myself the whole time, and usually I need a couple of hours of "me time" each day. So the noise and whatnot became very overwhelming very quickly and so I bolted and hid in the guest room for a couple of hours; but after that I was fine.
So far so good with the Christmas garbage. I still need to wrap everything and make the cheesecake for Andrew's dad, but other than that I'm all set--go me, go me, I win.
And I need to call Michelle....I get the feeling she's going to kill me when she hears what I've been up to, but most likely in a good way. Does that make sense?


So I decided to steal this from Thellie because I haven't done one of these stupid things in a while

A Year in Review Meme

1.) Where did you ring in 2008?

At home because I had no friends.

2.) What was your status by Valentine's Day?

Dating an idiot

3.) Were you in school (anytime this year)?

I was going to go back until shit happened and I didn't.

4.) How did you earn your keep?

Got a job as a DSP.

5.) Did you have to go to the hospital?

Yes, several times. Lucky me..

6.) Did you have any encounters with the police?

I got pulled over for doing 45 or 50 in a school zone during school hours but the cop took one look at me, asked me where I was going and when I said to the hospital he offered to follow me there to make sure I arrived safely and that was all.

7.) Where did you go on vacation?

Nowhere unless you count that ill-advised trip to Missouri. And I'm going to Iowa tomorrow.

8.) What did you purchase that was over $500?

Nothing. I'm cheap like that.

9.) Did you know anybody who got married?
Not that I know of, but I'm not up on that kind of thing. For all I know everybody I went to college with is married now, but nobody tells me anything and therefore I said not that I know of.

10.) Did you know anybody who passed away?

No, but I know two people who are in the process.

11.) Have you run into anybody you graduated high school with?

That would be a fucking nightmare. Unless it was Steve, I love Steve.

12.) Did you move anywhere?

No, though I wish I had.

13.) What sporting events did you go to?

I haven't been to a "sporting event," as you put it, since Silent Night the year Ocean's Twelve came out. Whenever that was.

14.) What concerts/shows did you go to?

None, because Within Temptation was last September and therefore doesn't qualify.

15.) Are you registered to vote?


16.) If so, did you do your patriotic duty on [last time you were supposed to vote]?


17.) Where do you live now?

Podunk, MN

18.) Describe your birthday.

It sucked ass.

19.) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2008?

Live. Learn to love again. Sorry, that's two.

20.) What is one thing you regret from this year?


21.) What do you want for Christmas?

To find a med that works, and for my current social situation to remain the same.

22.) Any new additions to your family?

Hell no.

23.) What was your best month?

Oh gosh. December, so far. I haven't had a good month, per se, in several years now. It's a nice change, I find.

24.) What from pop culture will you remember 2008 by?

I prefer not to think about pop culture, though the whole "OJ finally going to jail" thing is rather nice.

25.) How do you plan to ring in 2009?
With friends, for the first time in my life. Dead serious--I have never, ever spent New Year's with friends. I'm planning on changing that this year.

I, I am falling/If I let go I'm the only one to blame

So apparently I have "Whist Player" written all over me. I wasn't entirely sure if that was a good thing, but then I actually learned how to play and enjoyed myself thoroughly. I also surprised myself thoroughly by kicking ass. Turns out I'm a reckless whist player, which is a bit surprising because at euchre and poker I'm rather conservative. I'm also not used to playing with a partner, seeing as how the only game I've ever played that required a partner was euchre and I haven't played that in...oh, gosh. Must be since freshman year of college, so that'd be six years now. I was reassured that I did just fine, however ("just fine" being a final score of 13 to 2, and since 13 is the point score you're aiming for...yeah. In five hands.); but I do feel that once I get the hang of it I'll get better at it. It did help that the other 3, Andrew, Jon (John?) and La Nette, are all rather competitive and I am too, which made it that much more fun. Jesse doesn't believe that I can even play the damn game, so I'm looking forward to schooling him a bit. Granted, with my luck I'll end up as his partner and be so freaking nervous about showing off my newly acquired whist-playing skillz (note the ghetto spelling there) that I'll end up biffing the whole mess royally.
I'm going down to Iowa tomorrow. Not that that in itself is a huge deal, but...Andrew's taking me to meet his best friend from high school, and said best friend's wife. I'm....really, really nervous. I mean, yeah, sure, I met R. for about 20 or 30 minutes the other night and it went fine, I think I hope I pray, but still...a whole weekend with people I don't know. Granted, Andrew will be there and considering that he got me through over four hours of being surrounded by lots of strangers (I think the final count was somewhere over 400) who all stared at me a bit, or if they didn't it felt like it, and I didn't panic even once. I gave myself a headache because of the stress and tension I put myself through, stupid me, but still, I'm rather proud of myself. I'm still working on the whole strangers thing, but I'm getting there. Granted, if Andrew hadn't been there I would have taken one look and bolted out the door, cancer benefit or no cancer benefit. (Yeah, I volunteered to help with a benefit breakfast for a woman with stage 3 colon cancer.)
On the book side, I've got a bit to fill you in on. I recently purchased a book called Rose Labyrinth by somebody whose name I cannot currently remember and I'm too lazy to get up and look at the book sitting in a bag 3 feet behind me. It's rather intriguing-looking, because it comes in a box that is held shut by a rubber-bandy type thing, rather along the lines of the Moleskine line of journals and notebooks. Plus it comes with hard copies of the "mysterious letters" the main character finds at one point in the book, which is even niftier. And yes, it's a Quest novel, but cut me some slack--I like Quest novels. The Eight was absolutely brilliant, for example. *makes face*
Moving on to more books. I received for my birthday this wonderful little book (yes, it's little, I read it in about 30 minutes) called 1001 Things You Didn't Know You Wanted to Know. The only qualm I have with it is that I knew about half the stuff in there already. But the introduction has this marvelous little line, that goes something like this: "We were required to make a distinction between four things: stuff you wanted to know and knew you wanted to know, things that you didn't know but knew you didn't know and didn't want to know, things you didn't know but didn't know you didn't know and wouldn't want to know if you did, and, most elusive of all, things you didn't know you even wanted to know but would soon discover that you wanted to." I found that section alone worth the purchase price of the book. And since I paid nothing for it, technically, I win either way.
I also finished the fourth book in the Sevenwaters Trilogy, which will now have to be relabeled a tetralogy or just a series; it was dark, along the lines of the third book, but it was quite good and it got back more into the whole mythological world of ancient Ireland. And I just started a book called The Book of Air and Shadows, which seems to be another Quest novel, but the title alone intrigued me and it came up as a suggested read after I read a couple of reviews on Amazon (or maybe B&N.com) for Interred With Their Bones, which I bought solely for the title and absolutely loved.
Also, the fourth and final book in one of my favourite series ever is being published in I think it's January, I can't remember the exact date except that it's within the next few months and I'm terribly excited about it. It's called The Last Watch and I'm so terribly excited. Now if only George R R Martin would get his act together and finish Dancing With Dragons I'd almost be happy. Oh, and Kim Harrison has a new one coming out in February.
Good heavens I'm such a book nerd. But cut me some slack, people; I haven't gone off about books for awhile now and...yeah. Just think of it as an excess of spleen that had to be vented before it ruptured something internally.
Wish me luck for this weekend. Light candles or pray or whatever that I don't freak out and ask to be taken home early, because I know this means a lot to Andrew and I really don't want to screw it up. Not any of it.


I won't be held down/By who I used to be

Work has been stressful, very much so lately for a variety of reasons that I'd rather not get into, but on the amusing side is that the Material Girl (the client who eats non-edibles) ate her mattress pad.
No, I am not kidding. What's left is so little that there's no way to fix it. They put it on there originally to keep her from licking her mattress and shredding her tongue, but...yeah, that kinda failed. So now we just let her lick the mattress. I do worry a bit, though, because apparently at her last residence she ate holes in two of her mattresses so I'm wondering if it's just a matter of time before she eats this one, too.
The Soap Opera that my life had become has mostly come to an end, with the occasional flare-up but for the most part it's done. A. and I talked things over and we decided (mostly I decided and he supported me) that if Z. and J. are the kind of people J. wants me to spend time with, I should probably not trust J.'s recommendations for friends. So A. wants to introduce me to all of his friends, and I actually got invited to a little surprise party for one of them because they all wanted to meet me (Lord only knows what he's been saying) but I had to pull out because it was going to be in the middle of the afternoon and I was absolutely exhausted from work. So I feel bad but there will be another chance and besides, this way I did get to sleep a little.
As a closer, ask me about the bizarre (VERY bizarre) new side effect I'm currently experiencing. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll go "what the fuck is wrong with her?"


I'm so addicted to/All the things you do

So today was like the eight millionth day in a row that I've spent with Andrew. And by "eight millionth day in a row" I mean 3 or 4 days a week for 6 hours at a time, minimum. I know I've always said that you can't find happiness in others, you have to find it in yourself, but...I think I was wrong. *glee*
If you want details, ask me for them.


And there's nothing wrong with me/This is how I'm supposed to be

More ridiculousness. Ridiculosity? I need to get all three of these guys together so I can bitch them out simultaneously; three for the price of one. There was, apparently, a bit of a fistfight last night about the whole deal and all I can think is, holy hell, people, we're not in high school anymore. I'm not, anyway, and I'm younger than these guys. On the bright side, though, I did manage to convince two of them that all I want is friendship, now if I can only convince Z. I'm set. I think he'll be the hard case, as he's already convinced that A. "sabotaged his relationship" with me. I can't help but wonder, what relationship? Was there something going on that I was completely unaware of? On the bright side, Winter's Soap Opera (as I have taken to calling it) is providing hours of amusement for some of my coworkers; M., B., and N. in particular. Since I'm working tonight I'll have to update them further. *shakes head* What have I done to deserve this near-hell? All I wanted was friends, not a near-twice divorcee, a recent release from rehab, and a player coming after me. Either this will blow over into oblivion very soon, or things will continue to spiral out of my control into some sort of fabulous display of male immaturity. I'd really like this to end quietly and quickly, but I have to admit, the sadist in me kind of wants to watch the three of them fight it out in a sort of Battle Royale. Except...the one I like best *snicker*, (meaning the only one who listened to me from the start about not wanting anything but friendship) would probably get decimated first.
It would still be rather amusing. I could probably sell tickets and popcorn and make a tidy sum out of it.


In my darkest hour, I could not forsee/That the tide could turn so fast to this degree

My life has turned into a soap opera. It's ridiculous. I've got 3 different guys fighting--literally fighting, one of them pulled a gun--over who "gets to be with me." Which is patently absurd, because I don't want any of them. But none of them will hear me. I don't want to be pulled into the middle of a feud that seemed to be going on long before they ever met me; I feel like the latest excuse. Actually, I feel like the last piece of meat thrown before a pack of starving dogs, and guess what, people? I AM NOT A PIECE OF MEAT. I just lost my boyfriend and I really, really don't want this right now.
If you want the details, let me know. It's seriously straight out of a daytime soap; if things continue at the rate they've been going, it'll turn into the Jerry Springer Show by the end of the week.