Small spider weave on a silver sleeve/Oh weave your grey web nearer

So. Today was Christmas. I was hoping it would snow, and it didn’t. Well, no, it did a tiny bit this evening.
I got loot. Including a gift card for Barnes & Noble, like last year—but that doesn’t diminish the awesomeness. I also got clothes, for the first time in…ever. I’ve honestly never gotten clothes for Christmas before. It’s…interesting, I guess. Oh, and here’s a weird factoid: I didn’t get any actual books. Not a one. Weird, huh? The gift card will more than tide me over, though.
I’m not terribly keen on the idea of spending the next week here in New York. I have to admit, there are places I would MUCH rather be. Unfortunately, unless people suddenly become rich, I’m staying here. *sniff* I’m finally not indifferent. And, when I’m finally not indifferent, everything goes ‘poof’ and disappears, much to my chagrin.
Saw my cousins (second cousins? first cousins once removed?) Jennifer and Janet yesterday for the first time in 13 years. It was weird and a bit awkward at first, but things got better very quickly, and it ended on a rather pleasant note.
I’m still feeling pretty good about myself. Odd, I know, but hey—I’m not going to argue. Plus, I won something. For the first time in, like, ever. (I can’t believe I just said ‘like.’ I should go commit seppuku for it, I’m so ashamed of myself) But it’s definitely a prize worth winning; in my opinion, it’s actually far better than what I deserve.
I’m exhausted. I haven’t even been up for twelve hours, but I think a lot of it (‘it’ being the tiredness) has to do with being surrounded by lots of people, none of whom I’m entirely comfortable with, for the past several days. Hopefully, now that the wedding is over and Christmas is done (well, it will be done in 9 minutes), things will quiet down and the insane chaos will just go away. I hope.
Pray my senioritis goes away. I’m seriously beginning to consider the merits of dropping out. I just don’t care about school anymore.
On a completely different note, Hock is trying to get me to start WoW again. I gave stringent (in my opinion, anyway) requirements that must be met for me to resume playing…so, who knows? Maybe Viaka will be present once again within the warlock ranks of Stormscale. Or maybe not.
And finally, to close…weasel butter.


Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?/Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs.

1. Name as it appears on your birth certificate? Sarah Marie Kautzmann. There, happy?
2. Nickname? Two. 2. Sarah 2. Sarah K. Sars. Norby. Norbs. Norbert. Costa Rica. Psycho. PMS. Leah. Judy. Kala. Evil CS Chick. Viaka. V. Grammar Nazi. Keeper of Souls. The Mistress. (I think that's all of them, they tend to run together after awhile)
3. Parents names: Mom and Daddy
4. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake : I didn't have one. I haven't had an actual cake since I was, um, I think 14.
5. Date that you regularly blow them out? Like I said, I don't have candles on a cake because I DON'T HAVE A CAKE.
6. Pets?: Does Stefan count? O.o Two dogs back in Costa Rica, Patch and Muffin. Oh, and we've temporarily adopted Bruno (13 year old half Maltese/half miniature poodle)
7. Eye color: Brown. What can I say? I'm boring.
8. Hair color : Brown. I'm still boring. That's not gonna change in a line.
9. Piercing: 1/ear. Used to have 4 holes in my left ear, but then one of the earrings somehow disintegrated and infected the 3 uppermost holes, so I let them grow together. I'd love a tongue ring, though. And a belly ring. Also an eyebrow ring, but since that's readily visible, it's not very likely. But maybe someday.
10. Tattoos: Not yet, but that'll be fixed soon enough.
11. How much do you love your job? If you mean being a general nuisance, I love it. If you mean being a student, I'm getting tired of it.
12. Favorite color: You actually have to ask? Black. Followed by grey, which is followed by (oh, imagine this!) black.
13. Hometown: Define "hometown."
14. Current Residence: here.
15. Favorite food: Aji de gallina.
16. Been to Africa? Not yet.
17. Been toilet papering? Yes. My mom was the getaway driver.
18. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? Yes, but I hate crying, so it didn't last long.
19. Been in a car accident? No. Well, kind of. A panic-inducing fender-bender about 18 months ago.
20. Croutons or bacon bits? Let's see--stale bread or dead animal bits? Anyone who knows me should think this obvious: dead animal bits, (duh!). But only if it's REAL dead animal--I don't like fake dead animal.
21. Sprite or 7UP? Neither. I'd like water, Izze, or cranberry juice, or smoothies.
22. Favorite Movie? Wag the Dog, Star Wars (Original Trilogy), Serenity, Boondock Saints, The Usual Suspects, Pitch Black
23. Favorite Holiday: Juan Santa Maria Day. We burn things. It's like Guy Fawkes Day, only without the pancakes or fireworks, and nobody tried to blow up Parliament, and it's in Costa Rica....ok, so it's nothing like Guy Fawkes Day. But I don't like pancakes, so it's all good.
24. Favorite day of the week? Every day that doesn't end in "y"
25. Favorite word or phrase? up yours, crap, whatever, you're a terrible person, I hate you we're fighting, monkeybutt, 'hi, my name is (insert name here), and I'm a moron'
26. Favorite Toothpaste? Whatever is cheap or free
27. Favorite Restaurant Melody? I'm confused.....
28. Favorite Flowers? Roses. Hibiscus are fun because they're so freaking HUGE, although I think they're kind of ugly. Oh, and lilies of the valley and oleanders, because they're POISONOUS!
29. Favorite Drink? I'm stupid enough when I'm sober. Oh, nonalcoholic? That would be my mom's banana shakes. Or a cranberry juice/Generic clear carbonated beverage of choice mix. Or water.
30. Favorite sport to watch? Curling. You know, where you get the huge guys using brooms to push stones across ice. Ok, so it's boring as heck. Um, gymnastics, hockey, rugby, some football (American)
31. Preferred type of ice cream ? CHUNKY MONKEY. Or rocky road. Or heavenly hash.
32. Favorite sesame street character? Snuffleufagus, because he has a funny name. And Oscar. And Cookie Monster. Oh, and Telly.
33. Disney or Warner Bros.? Um, WB, cuz they made the Animaniacs.
34. Favorite Fast Food? Fazoli's. Quizno's is good, too, though.
35. What color is your bedroom carpet? I don't have one.
36. How many times did you fail your drivers test? None. Although I didn't try until I was 20, which might have something to do with it.
37. Who is the last person you got email from before this? dictionary.com, with the word of the day (it was 'ossify')
38. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? I like to think that the statute of limitations, combined with the lack of an extradition treaty, will keep me safe.
39. Which single store would you choose to max out your credit card? Barnes & Noble. Or Borders. Amazon.com. WidowPC. EBGames. GameStop. (I'd need a lot of credit cards)
40. What do you do most often when you are bored? Read. Or torment people. Or sleep. Or read. Or play video games. Or read.
41. Name a friend that lives the farthest away? Um. Not sure. Probably Sherri; she's in Korea
42. Most annoying thing people say to you? "What's that thing on your chin?" (or a variation of aforementioned inquiry)
43. Bedtime? Whenever I stop reading.
44. Favorite all time TV show? Animaniacs, the A-Team, or Firefly.
45. Last person you went out to dinner with? Well, if you mean off-campus, that would be Brandon. If you mean on-campus, that would be Michelle.
46. Last Movie you saw? Advent Children. I would have liked it better if there had been more Sephiroth.
47: Fave season? Winter--it's bleak and grim, just like me. Plus, you get snow. And there's little to no construction.
48: Fave car? One I could actually get? VW Jetta. One I could maybe eventually get? Audi A-4 or A-8. One I could never get but adore? Aston-Martin DB-9
49: What are you wearing? a burlap sack and a set of iron shackles that have been stamped with anti-human wards.
50: Do u have a crush? No. They're annoying.
51: Who is it? If you have to ask despite my reply to the last question, you're dumber than I thought. Which is really, really dumb.
52: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: ...lifted his dripping right hand just in time to save his...
53: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
The Cheshire cat thingy on my wall
54: What is the last thing you watched on TV? House
55: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is: 11:50 or so
56: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 11:45 pm
57: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: music
58: When did you last step outside? what were you doing? About an hour and a half ago, when I was walking back here from Bekah's
59: Before you came to this website, what did you look at? Furiae.com
60: Did you dream last night? yes.
61: When did you last laugh? When Bekah got hyper.
62: What is on the walls of the room you are in? paint, posters, quotes, and other random crap.
63: Seen anything weird lately? Does Bekah count? :P
64: What do you think of this quiz? I don't.
65: What is the last film you saw? Advent Children. I think I said this earlier.
66: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? a Steinway baby grand for my mom, followed by a Gibson Les Paul for my brother, and then a DB-9 and a really nice computer for me.
67: Tell me something about you that I don't know: I found my keys. Wait. You probably didn't know that I lost them.
68: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Require mandatory sterilization of all stupid people, thereby reducing the possibility that the stupid gene will be passed on to future generations.
69: Do you like to dance? yes
70: Would you ever consider living abroad? *snicker* well, considering that I've never left the 48 contiguous states, leaving the country is kind of a scary concept for me...
71: Any last words? The day Higgs and I walk down the aisle together to claim our common seat, the oceans will fall into the sky and the trees shall hang with fishes.


Was it a vision, or a waking dream?/Fled is that music:—do I wake or sleep?

Well, my belief that skiing is not the wisest of athletic endeavors has, once again, been shown to be a sound belief. Luke (head of his college ski team) had a bad fall or crash or whatever the proper term for that is, and dislocated his shoulder, and his jaw, and might have a concussion. That's the best-case scenario. And since I don't want to be like the Kennedy who died by skiing directly into a tree, I'm going to sit quietly at 'home' (in the middle of Flatland, USA) and not regret my lack of exposure to skiing.
Time awake: 39 hours and counting. I haven't had caffeine since Thursday afternoon/evening (around 5-ish). I'm not tired, physically or mentally. This is probably bad. I hate when my body does this. It's like it randomly decides to be cruel and mess up my mind more than it already is. I'm going to try to sleep tonight; I can feel the time approaching where I'll start getting grey cobwebby lines at the edges of my vision. And once I reach that point, it's only a matter of time until I pass out, literally, for an hour or two. Then I wake up and could do the whole thing over again. Which is also probably bad. The part that actually worries me, though, is the way my mind starts to twist; even now I can feel it trying to wrest away whatever tenuous grip I have on sanity at the moment. Humans were meant to sleep, if only to process more thoroughly all the information received during the waking hours. When that processing time is removed, things start to build up, and that's when bad things are very likely to occur. Think of a septic tank that gets stopped up and everything just flows back up through the pipes; but since the septic system wasn't designed to handle that much pressure coming from both directions, it breaks a bunch of pipes and so now not only does your shower drain produce smelly black goo every time you turn on the sink, but the front lawn you spent so many hours meticulously caring for is now squishy and reeks of sewage.
That is what will, in effect, happen to me. It happened before. It was bad. Very bad. Be glad that you didn't have to see it.

Oh another note, I saw Max today. He was sitting in the little anteroom/foyer/thing here in English, and the way he looked at me made me want to cry because it reminded me of Droopy so much. I miss Droopy. You never forget your first real pet, and he was a wonderful one.

Oh, and I did laundry. And (for lack of the proper term) dangling situps. And as I was putting on my pajamas not many minutes ago I scraped the top of my foot. Go me.

I'm going to try to sleep now.


Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?/I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach

Have no idea why I picked this line to open the entry; I guess it's because I love the poem, and the poet, and I think the line in and of itself is fun. Kind of. (pause) I'm an English nerd! What to you expect?

Moving on. Christmas break is next week. I'm excited, but nervous at the same time. Does that make any sense? It is my first Christmas away from my immediate family, and that makes me sad. But I'll actually have FRIENDS around for the holidays, and that makes me enormously cheerful.

I woke up the day of my birthday (which fell on a Monday this year. I hate Mondays) feeling somehow better. No idea how else to put it, just...better. Like I was human again. I smiled a lot. You know me--I rarely smile. Or laugh. But I do a lot of both now. I also believe myself to be a worthwhile human being--which is something I went for the last 10 years struggling with.

Don't get me wrong--I still like black, and the dark, and scaring people with the stranger aspects of my personality. I still like solitude, and reading, and dark-ish music and so on. My personality, my tastes, haven't changed. I just...I don't hate myself anymore. I can get up in the morning without wanting to cry at the thought of living through another hour--let alone another day. I don't totally loathe people anymore (although I still dislike the human race as a whole, and believe that stupid people should be sterilised to prevent reproduction, and I still can't stand children), and I (from what I've been told) don't have that, je ne c'est quoi, 'eff off or I'll kill you in such a horrific and painful manner that you cannot even BEGIN to comprehend it' aura radiating from me. Which is good. Although, to be completely honest, I wouldn't mind being able to give that impression at will--that way if I really do want to be left alone, I can still scare people off. ^.^

Last thing. I had a bizarre dream last night. Somebody had hacked into my computer--and my phone, too, somehow--and messed them both up. The phone would route through a French telephone service and would only dial one person---who I didn't know--no matter what number I punched in. The internet was ALSO changed--routed through a French server and would only connect me to French food web sites. And on startup, my computer would automatically log me into World of Warcraft, on my old character, complete with old gear--which is all GONE--and then shut down. Somehow I got past the vicious cycle, though, and that's when I discovered the French server food thing. There was something about elevators, too, but I don't remember that very well at all.