I shall be telling this with a sigh/Somewhere ages and ages since

I finally got back yesterday from summer vacation. Well, most of it was spent with my family in Costa Rica, and therefore doesn't really count as vacation. But, I got to spend a little over a week with 'my boys,' and those were the best days of my life--despite camping, nature, missing luggage, screwy flights, lack of sleep, truck breakdowns, and anal parents.

Sorry, I should probably elaborate. 'My boys' are four guys who live out in Washington (state), near-ish Seattle. They decided early in the summer to buy me a ticket to fly out there. To meet me. Yeah, I know--to meet me. As in, never met before. As in, meeting people I met on the Internet. In retrospect, it was incredibly, incredibly stupid; but there is only so long four different people can lie without tripping up somewhere, and it hadn't happened yet ('yet' being almost a year). It was incredible--a blast from start to finish, although there were several minor mishaps. But it was all totally worth it. Besides, I got bling. Andrew, one of the guys, had gone to Disneyland the week before and had bought a giant Chip n Dale pendant thing--it's bling. Disney bling, but still bling.

But now I'm back. I need to contact the counseling center here at uni to see if any of the on-staff people are qualified in cognitive or rational-emotive therapy. Cuz I kinda (okay, really) need it--my mind is almost literally split into segments, and no segment connects to any other segment, which kinda (okay, really) messes up my reality. Among other things.

In a nutshell, I've got a whacked-out depression subtype that is difficult to treat and notoriously unstable--as in, if someone blows their nose, I might kill myself. That kind of unstable. Which does explain a lot.
I've got a lot of features of borderline disorder, although I'm not actually borderline. I've also got formal thought disorder, and I can't see the big picture, just the small ones. Like a mosaic: I can see all the individual tiny pictures, but I can't see the whole thing, the overall result. Oh, and sometimes my depression causes me to shut down in a manner that gives me a lot of schizophrenic-ish symptoms--not the delusions, but the emotional things.

Oh, and my personal favourite, I'm schizotypal. Gotta love it--means I have a hard time dealing with people in significant ways, a hard time interacting with people, and I am literally incapable of connecting to people on a deep emotional level for very long, if ever. Lotsa fun, that.

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