The ways deep and the weather sharp/The very dead of winter

Mad props (*snicker*) to the first person to ID that quote--well, to anyone, really, who can ID that quote.

Stitches (the first layer) came out last week, and I'm doing relatively well. Not in as much pain anymore, and the weight loss has stopped. Still hurts, though. Especially when sneezing, which I do often due to horrific allergies.

I learned a new word yesterday: sesquipedalian. (Definition: someone who likes to use big words) I figure it rather applies to me, and Jenn, and Mateo a bit, too.

My mother bought me books, which made me happy; something like 20 new books, including Coraline by Neil Gaiman. I'd never read anything of his before, but upon Steve's recommendation, I bought the only one of his works they had available. It's a children's book, but a freaky one. I will never look at black buttons the same way again... I also got a bunch of classics, which also made me happy. A lot of them are ones I've been looking for (ie Persuasion, the Alice books, Phantom of the Opera, Dracula, etc), so now I can scratch off a portion of my "Books to Acquire" list.

I've been doing a lot of thinking of late, mostly because I'm still not well enough to leave the house, and have come to several conclusions, the first being, I have terrible health. I think my immune system, or perhaps my entire body, is out to kill me. I mean, if it's not a concussion, it's constocondritis, or really bad mono, or PCOS, etc, etc, forever and ever, amen. It would be a miracle if I could go for 6 months without an injury or illness.

Speaking of illnesses, I did some research regarding endometriosis, which is my latest medical, um, issue. Turns out, not only are there no ways to test for it, nobody knows what causes it, or how to treat it effectively (effectively in this case meaning 'make it go away for good'). The cysts and spots it causes can be surgically removed (which is what they did), but they will come back. The only treatment that works even a little is a type of hormone therapy, where the person in question is injected with a drug that shuts down ovarian function for a set time period and thereby inducing a form of temporary menopause (but without the facial hair, adam's apple, etc). 25% of people receiving this treatment have the problem return in 2 years, 60% in five. By year 10, it's back with everybody. Which doesn't bode well for me, considering my track record with disease. I'm guessing 2 years, 4 max, before it starts to come back. But to be honest, I'm glad they did something now, because the big cyst was ready to rupture, which would have caused even more problems.

But as for the second conclusion: I don't feel as though I belong--anywhere. Yes, I have good friends--Sasha, Steve, 'the guys', Austin, Sparty, Jenn, Whitney, Jon--but, with the sole exception of Austin, nobody's nearby. Which sucks, to say the least. Friendship is, and always has been, a precious thing to me--mostly because, for years and years, I didn't have any real friends. That's why I cling to them, to you, so tightly. You guys are priceless; so, so precious.

And the third, and final conclusion: The so-called mind reading Jenn accused me of in the past is growing. It has been, really, for months now. And it's starting to scare me. I'm more and more disgusted by what I see in people, that few or no others know of; but since I have no proof, I can't say anything. I can't control it, either. I've always believed that thoughts should be private--humans can't read minds for good reason. I'm not saying I can read minds; but...sometimes, more and more often now, I know things...things I have no basis for knowing, things I don't want to know, things I shouldn't know, things that it's not possible for me to know. But I do anyway.

Jenn, I blame you. The whole thing started with you...so, it's your fault. >.< (that's a squinchy-eyed face, fyi)

I don't miss Taylor. I miss classes (yes, I miss learning. I enjoy, really really enjoy, acquiring new information about things), and I miss my friends. My D&D group, Michelle, Austin...I miss you guys. A lot. But, I'll be seeing you all in a few weeks, so...yeah.


Domino said...

1. Good job on the new books. How's Coraline?

2. In a weird sort of way, congratulations. You've acquired a rare and incurable disease. It really sucks, but it has to be good for some bragging rights.

3. Don't blame me; I didn't do anything but let you in on my deepest secrets! It isn't my fault that let you into everyone else's secrets. Okay, maybe it is. Sorry.

Malruniel11 said...

It's Eliot adapted from one of Lancelot Andrew's sermons on the Nativity. :-D See, I'm smart when I want to be!

I'm sorry about the endomitriosis. It sucks to have that on top of the PCOS. I hope you start not sneezing soon (wow...I think my IQ just dropped by phrasing it that way).

You are missed terribly by me. I was asked a lot this weekend where you were. Apparently not many people know why you aren't there for J-term. I just spent the weekend down there. Most of my stuff is gone now. It's really empty in there.

Phantom of the Opera is amazing. I read that 3 years ago and immediately fell in love. Ironically, I just bought Dracula as well. I'm saving it for Ireland, though, with my new copy of The Canterbury Tales! I love it when bookstores go out of business! I also bought L'Morte D'Arthur! Oh, books make me so excited.

I miss you and am looking forward to seeing you in May. Have a great semester, and from what I am hearing from Tracie, it looks like you won't be having a new roommate. But since that's coming from Tracie, take it with a grain of salt.

Anonymous said...

If you'd like to read more Gaiman books, I've got some you can borrow. Never read Coraline, but Neverwhere and Stardust are both very good.

- Hock

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, I've got American Gods also (I was trying to remember what the 3rd one is). Probably the best of the three, in a literary sense, though I think I enjoyed Neverwhere a bit more as a story.

- Hock

Domino said...

P.S. I remember the last time you promised 'mad props.' No dice, Silk!

Domino said...

Um. So. Thank you. I won't embarrass you and spell out what all that's for.

Yes, all spelling errors caused by frustration and lack of sleep due to six-fucking-fifteen in the morning fire drill.

And I'm really, truly regretful and sorrowed that you had to be the guinea pig, but I've learned my lesson. I'm done with them. I'm going back this Sunday, and then I'll find a new church.