Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?/I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach

Have no idea why I picked this line to open the entry; I guess it's because I love the poem, and the poet, and I think the line in and of itself is fun. Kind of. (pause) I'm an English nerd! What to you expect?

Moving on. Christmas break is next week. I'm excited, but nervous at the same time. Does that make any sense? It is my first Christmas away from my immediate family, and that makes me sad. But I'll actually have FRIENDS around for the holidays, and that makes me enormously cheerful.

I woke up the day of my birthday (which fell on a Monday this year. I hate Mondays) feeling somehow better. No idea how else to put it, just...better. Like I was human again. I smiled a lot. You know me--I rarely smile. Or laugh. But I do a lot of both now. I also believe myself to be a worthwhile human being--which is something I went for the last 10 years struggling with.

Don't get me wrong--I still like black, and the dark, and scaring people with the stranger aspects of my personality. I still like solitude, and reading, and dark-ish music and so on. My personality, my tastes, haven't changed. I just...I don't hate myself anymore. I can get up in the morning without wanting to cry at the thought of living through another hour--let alone another day. I don't totally loathe people anymore (although I still dislike the human race as a whole, and believe that stupid people should be sterilised to prevent reproduction, and I still can't stand children), and I (from what I've been told) don't have that, je ne c'est quoi, 'eff off or I'll kill you in such a horrific and painful manner that you cannot even BEGIN to comprehend it' aura radiating from me. Which is good. Although, to be completely honest, I wouldn't mind being able to give that impression at will--that way if I really do want to be left alone, I can still scare people off. ^.^

Last thing. I had a bizarre dream last night. Somebody had hacked into my computer--and my phone, too, somehow--and messed them both up. The phone would route through a French telephone service and would only dial one person---who I didn't know--no matter what number I punched in. The internet was ALSO changed--routed through a French server and would only connect me to French food web sites. And on startup, my computer would automatically log me into World of Warcraft, on my old character, complete with old gear--which is all GONE--and then shut down. Somehow I got past the vicious cycle, though, and that's when I discovered the French server food thing. There was something about elevators, too, but I don't remember that very well at all.

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