For this must ever be/A secret, kept from all the rest/Between yourself and me

So I spent a good chunk of Wednesday in a nearby ER. Yes, for myself. No, I didn't fall headlong down some stairs (like I did right before my 21st birthday), nor did I swim or even attempt to swim in Taylor Swamp. Er, lake. Sorry. It started last Thursday, with this weird, uncontrollable spasm thing in my whole body. It wasn't a seizure, because I was conscious and coherent, but it wasn't exactly normal, either. It only lasted fifteen or twenty seconds, and it didn't seem incredibly serious. But various friends insisted I go to the health center, so I did. They didn't know what caused it, but they'd talk to various specialists and such, and would I please come in immediately if it happened again?
Then, two (three, now, since it's officially Saturday) days ago, my left arm started the whole uncontrollable twitchy thing. And it didn't stop. If I held my arm still, or braced it against something, it would stop--but then the twitching would start up somewhere else. Oh, and by 'didn't stop,' I mean virtually non-stop spazzing for five or six hours; it only stopped after being given various meds--including Ativan, which I'd never been on before--and only lasted a few hours. But by that time, I was so wasted from the single Ativan that I was pretty foggy. As in, don't remember much at all.
I twitched a couple times today, too; though they only lasted a second or two, and were pretty localised.
Nobody has any idea what's causing it, which scares me. But then, if you think about it, I've been reasonably healthy for quite a while now, so it only makes sense that I'd end up with something bizarre like this. Go figure, eh?
I screwed up the courage to leave Confusion a message on her blog. Immediately after, I tried to forget that I'd done it, and I succeeded decently well. Imagine my shock when I got a reply from her. I still miss hanging out and reading and swapping books and such, but I daresay that even though it's only been little over a year since we last saw each other, we've both changed so much that we might not have any connection anymore. It's entirely possible; it would be sad, but not horrible.
Damn, speaking of sad. I need to get Austin to fix my headset. Stupid piece of crap. But if Austin can't fix it, then I'll have to get a new one. I don't want to get a new one. New headsets cost money. Money != available to me right now. (Eight million points to anyone who understands what that means, by the way)
I know I had something else to put here, but I'm tired and the meds are kicking in, so I'm going to head to bed.
OH! now I remember. Someone (I won't say who) asked me for a list of all the books I've read. I kinda went blank from shock--I mean, I have no idea as to all the books I've read, but I have a pretty decent guess of the quantity, at least. I told this Someone that it would take awhile, and all they said in response was, "no rush." Am I the only one who finds this a bit disturbing? I mean, good heavens. It's like asking my dad for a comprehensive list of all the people he's worked with since joining the mission field.

But what the hell. It'll take awhile, but I'm hoping to have a reasonably accurate list in another couple of weeks. Hopefully I won't leave out too many titles.

And that's it for now.


Domino said...

I know we've both changed... I read this pretty faithfully, even though it's only snippets of your life. I've changed a lot... somewhere I found the guts and the impatience to stop lying. I'd like to try to start over, but if it's too much to deal with right now, I can go away for a while.

How are things going for you? Am I going to have to drive all the way down there in my nonexistent car to make sure you don't have epilepsy or something?

Winter Solstyce said...

I don't know if you'll see this, Domino, but if you do--I'd love to start over. I'm not sure how else to contact you, but I hope you see this.