12.1.07

She dances like a Bomb, abroad,/And swings upon the Hours

So I had a blazing row with my parents a few days after Christmas, in which they informed me that they didn't know who I was, and they didn't know if I knew who I was, and that they wanted to find out. So I told them. Not in detail (only 3 single-spaced pages), nor in an offensive way--well, okay. Fine. So it WAS offensive, but give me some credit--it could have been far worse. I toned it down as much as possible while still being honest. It was a sterling example of me being my too-honest, bitchy self that hesitates about making people cry. I just can't take it when people cry. Yelling, fine. Screaming, not a problem. Cold silence, sure. Crying? Not so much. Especially crying females. Crying males are far easier to deal with, and since I apparently have a habit of making guys cry, I'm becoming less awkward around it. But I don't think I'll ever(and hope I'll never) become comfortable around crying women.
Had a bad week. Terrible, actually. Monday night I pretty much flipped out, and I've been sleeping in Bekah's room ever since. I'm healing nicely, and the surgical adhesive tape (or whatever it's called) hasn't ripped off too much skin. I'm actually a bit afraid to sleep alone, still; even though it's been several days. I'm not actually any better; I'm just in better control of my emotions. Read: not an emotional wreck. So now I'm (somewhat) back to my glib self. I don't know how long it'll take this time, and I don't know how much more I can take. I don't want to think about it, either; it just makes things worse.
I've started reading a lot again, but it's not fun anymore. That scares me, because reading has always been the best thing in my life. But now...I'm reading to avoid thinking. It doesn't actually improve anything, or relax me, or do any of the other things it used to.
However, on a quasi-cheerful note, I got my glasses fixed! Kind of. Sort of. Not really, but mostly. They gave me temporary frames for my old lenses, because they didn't have the frames I used before in stock. So they popped my lenses into the frames with the closest fit (they don't fit perfectly, but they'll stay in place for now) and ordered the other set of frames, and will call me when they get in. But it's nice to be able to use them again; I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of missed wearing glasses. They're such a great way to emphasize things. Plus, I want to perfect my 'Evil Librarian Who Will Sacrifice You Upon A Bloodied Altar To A Nameless Heathen God If You Talk In The Library' look, which, as everyone knows, is impossible without glasses.

1 comment:

Honey Digra said...

Hmmmm....nice post
had a déja vu call after having a look at it......