Anywhere I roam/Where I lay my head is home

Just thought the title was especially appropriate, since I've never had a home. *pities self for a moment* Okay, moving on.
Short entry tonight, as I'm in a relatively significant amount of pain and want to go to bed. No, no, the Headache didn't come back. Well, okay, yes, it did, but not because it just arbitrarily decided to overcome the meds and attack me again. No. This morning an eight-foot-high, solid-wood bookcase fell on my head. Or, more accurately, one of the sharp corners did. My coworkers and the nurse at work all reassured me that the dent that has formed in my skull because of said bookcase falling on my head will disappear in a couple of days. All of this background to explain why the effing migraine came back.
I was doing a bit of reading today, (as usual) and it struck me that there aren't many, if any, known famous borderlines. There are presumed borderlines, but it could just be somebody with a nasty temper or who was very spoilt as a child and never grew up. Not to mention none of the well-known borderline portrayals by Hollywood are very accurate. Take Fatal Attraction, for example. It's classic borderline behaviour, except most borderlines--not all, but most (which is an important distinction) don't act that aggressively towards others. It's like...okay. Take Glenn Close's behaviour towards Michael Douglas. Instead of her being so aggressive towards him, imagine her directing all that behaviour inwards towards herself, taking out all the hurt and pain--which is entirely sincere, by the way; she's not manipulating him out of a sick need to be cruel, she really does feel like she needs him--on herself. Although, if pushed far enough, the alternate ending is entirely plausible.
It's just...it's hard, and it's frustrating, and I feel like I can't really talk to anyone about it because they don't understand it and it's not like I can explain it to them because I don't have a very good grasp on it myself. I mean, how do you explain how you work, how you function, how you are, to someone whose perspective is so wholly different?
Eventually, when I have time and motivation and am pain-free, I will give a discourse, or a ramble, or maybe even a rant, on the theory of "I hate you, don't leave me." Which, actually, makes complete sense to me.

No comments: