Like a thief in the night/It can control you

I sang today, for the first time in a very long time, for someone other than myself. I sang for my sister. We were talking about her German class, and about how if she has to do an oral presentation for her final, she should translate a song and perform it. I suggested one that she'd never heard, or even heard of, so I sang it for her. It's an...interesting song. Very pretty melody, very funny words; it's called "I am Cow."
I've been trying to cut down on the "self-injury" (though it doesn't hurt, and isn't that kind of a qualifier for injury?) lately, and it's been extraordinarily difficult. Those of you who know me have, I think, become almost used to seeing me with red marks on my arms, and to a much smaller extent my face; it's been basically an essential part of me for so long now I can't remember not ever doing it. I think it started about twelve years ago, so...half my life, almost. I tried to stop completely a while ago, and ended up doing more damage without even noticing until afterwards. It's not something I think I'll ever be able to stop completely--there has to be some physical way for me to manifest my stress and agitation. I think the best I can hope for is less frequent, less visible, and more localised. But we'll see.
And now I'm off to bed, because I'm really really tired.

No comments: