I will twist the knife/And bleed my aching heart

The past few days have been really hard. As in, when I took my sister to Rochester yesterday, I very nearly kicked her out of the car so I could drive said car into an overpass pylon at 75 mph with no seat belt. It's still a very tempting thought. I told my shrink about it this morning, and he was more understanding than I thought he'd be. Granted, when I explained just why I wanted to do it, it made a lot of sense, even to me. Ever feel like doing something everybody has accused you of either doing or wanting to do, just to prove them right so they'll leave you alone? My parents, having found out about my most recent cutting incident--which revolved around my mom's comment, by the way--I wonder how she'd feel about it, if I told her she's the reason I started cutting again--decided that I, in fact, couldn't take my sister to Rochester because "I wasn't safe to drive her," meaning that I'd put her life at risk. Hello, you stupid prats, I would never put someone else's life in danger. Just my own, because it's not worth as much. I'm tired of them going into a panic every time I try to be honest with them about something. I'd much rather just prove them right, that I'm a freaking hazard to myself, end it all, and be done with it.
God, it's tempting.

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