Her heart still beats inside/The blood runs in her veins

It's interesting, isn't it, how everyone's lives continue on, despite you losing track of them for any reasonable (or unreasonable, as the case may be) length of time? Breakups, engagements, losses, new jobs, moves, car wrecks, anything you can think of, really. I've spent the last year and a half so wrapped up in my own misery that I lost all sight of the world around me. I'm a bit better now, and am at least making an effort; I'm just hoping I stay strong enough to keep focusing outward. As long as I can do that, I should be ok.
I still miss Jenn. I'm not sure why things spontaneously combusted, but they did. The only consolation I have is that I know it wasn't my fault this time. Unfortunately, that means I don't know if I can fix it. I probably can't, seeing as how I've made my best efforts and they've all come to precisely nothing.
Decisions are interesting, too--how much they affect you and others. A or B, or maybe C. The odd thing is that despite what we claim, all too often we're too afraid to change the status quo, so instead of really choosing something (by definition excluding all other options), we vacillate and kind of lean in one direction or another, hoping the decision will be made for us or, even better, the need to choose will go away altogether.
On a bright note, I heard from J today! No period after the J, since I've called him J for years now. He's just....J. I love him dearly and have missed him like crazy. To everybody who reads this who cares, he's the real reason I'm still alive. I don't break my promises, no matter how much I want to. I've come close, but never gone through with it. So, once again (and I'm sure you'll get this from me off and on for the rest of your life), thank you, J.
The two Within Temptation CD's that were supposed to be released today aren't available in this godforsaken town yet, which is incredibly depressing since I've been wanting to buy them since FOREVER ago. I'll probably check the store every week or so until they're released there. I mean, they ought to be, seeing as how it carried their previous US release. Gah, stupid American companies that don't go for un-American products. And no, things that say "Made in China" are not un-American, they're about as American as you can get nowadays.

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